Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella


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Any police officer will tell you when it comes to the use of lethal force they always go for the largest body mass. Head shots are simply not that easy, especially when the creature coming at you at incredible speed accompanied by erratic movements.

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Me, I like my zombies slow, stupid and decomposing. If there ever were such things as zombies, I feel slow would have to be the only option. You might not agree, which is fine with me. Even before that, we have to accept that some external force is capable of reanimating a corpse. Still this creature is able to stagger around and identity living humans as its main course. The key word there in my opinion is stagger. And although I agree it can be terrifying, I still find more horror in the creeping, lurching, rotting variety of zombie. I like the idea of long bony fingers slowly stretching out to dig into your skin and tear your ropy entrails out by the yard.

My mom, dead. Cause of death—zombies. That hurts. They pulled her apart. I looked over to where the hurled phone had tumbled through the beer bottles and wondered if there was any chance it had survived. Nothing for it, though. I had to go check it out. It was cracked, right along the earpiece, but I thought it should still work.

I put it up to my ear, pressed the talk button, but it was dead. I threw it at a still standing pile of bottles and knocked them over, too.


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Then I spotted my cell sitting on my desk next to the computer. I dialed , and again got a busy signal. I tried Andrea again. Right about now, I found myself wishing I had a radio or a TV, but who has those anymore?

I watch all the shows I want for free online. I must not have been thinking straight. I sat down at my computer and waited the three seconds for it to resume from sleep mode. I love solid state disk drives. So much speed. When it came up, I checked CNN first thing, in case maybe the zombie apocalypse was upon us. I voted for number two.

And then Twitter chimed. And chimed again. Everyone was talking about zombies. Thank God for the internet. I peeked out the window through the blinds to see if the building across the street had power, but their place was dark, too. But then I saw some movement in the parking lot, a shadow or something. One of those fucking things was in my parking lot. Now, I guess I should describe my apartment. The place is a dive, but the neighbors are cool most of the time. I stumbled back to my computer and reached for the tiny LED flashlight I kept there.

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My neighbor, Danny. He followed it up with a couple of shots from his gun, loud explosions, a thump against the wall. I flipped my flashlight on and looked around my place while the yelling and thumping continued next door. Then I shined the light into the corner, and I saw two of those metal rails that you screw to the wall to hold up bookshelves. I had no idea if these things tracked by sight or smell or sound, and I knew one had to be next door. Maybe it was still eating Danny.

I hoped there was only the one. I stuck the flashlight in my pocket, put the bookshelf rail in one hand, my car keys in the other.

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I turned the knob, then pulled the door open just a touch so I could look through the crack. I let out a sigh of relief. I started to step out when I heard glass shatter behind me. Something smashed through my front window. A fucking zombie smashed through my window. I could see it through the window, now that it was inside, and I was outside.

Kill Me Before I Die

It was just starting to stand. How can I see? I looked up.


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  • The power was out fucking everywhere. I ran for my car, a beat up old piece of shit Honda Civic. When I got to its door, I fumbled the keys to the ground in my haste to get the door unlocked. The thought that ran through my head? God dammit this kind of shit is only fucking supposed to happen in the movies! I bent down and felt around the ground for my keys with my free hand while I kept my eye on Joe. Gravel, gravel.

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    A stick. Where the fuck are my keys?

    I reached farther under the car, and my fingers found a piece of metal. The keyring. I hooked it with my index finger and pulled it out.

    Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella
    Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella
    Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella
    Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella
    Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella
    Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella
    Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella
    Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella
    Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella Kill Me Before I Die: A Zombie Novella

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